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it seems ages since the last time i blog. Yeah folk, i am super busy. now i am back home in my country serving my old almamater. i don’t know what to comment on this job. what i know is thousands will kill for it. one can say i am lucky since i pass every kind of lousy examinations leaving thousands other applicants to get to it without so much trouble. i tell you one little secret: this is my (mom’s) dream job. she is so proud of me right now. i can say that my success in landing in this job is the manifestation of her own achievement. mom, a peasant girl, who never knows how it feels to sit in a secondary school, has a daughter with a master degree who is a dosen (lecturer) in a public university. now she has everything in the world except a son-in-law (but that’s is another ranting).
am i happy? i am supposed to be happy. my peers say: “delvi you must be very very very happy. but i think i feel nothing. it’s only now i lose all of the excitement of getting this job. do u want to know why? It’s because of my kodrat as a woman.
So, this is the story.
while studying in malaysia, i began developing a habit of going to any wifi-ed coffee shop bringing my laptop and do my work over there. i love espresso so much. i can take three shots of espresso just in one sitting. nah, now i am working in padang. There is no starbucks neither coffee beans. I can’t find neither Gloria jean’s coffee nor old town white coffee. but that’s not a problem. i bear no grudge of sitting in any warung kopi as long as they have free internet. but the thing is, finding places with free internet in padang is like finding nemo. at uni, the internet is LOUSY. so, my only choice is to go a café on jalan damar or sit in a lobby bar of rocky hotel. i prefer the latter since it is the only place where espresso is served and wifi-ed.
since my home coming 2 weeks ago, i went there several times. I did some lousy marking work there. and that’s is the problem. me, delvi, a minangkabau, muslim WOMAN sitting in a bar of a hotel /café and a dosen at that. i see it as not a problem. i did not break any law neither did i brace any norm. i didn’t drink neither did I go wild. i just had a cup of coffee while enjoying their free internet (that’s is my main objective of going there). moreover, i always kick my ass out of that place right after the sun set since i need to catch the last bus to get home. yeah padang dies down at dusk. but some self-righteous personalities from my own department who do not really know who delvi is think it is wrong. they think i’ve breached taboos of being a woman. one of them bitterly suggested that if i still want to get married i should stop frequenting any sort of café. one of them complained to my superior that i have been americanized or i am more american that the americans or “ why delvi is so american she did her master degree in Malaysia only even those of us who went to school to america do not sit in a café to have a cup of coffee”
questions: (1) what is so american about having a cup of coffee while browsing the net. (2) what is so unislamic about sitting is a lobby bar of a hotel or café? (3) what is so un-traditional about doing your job in a comfy place like a lobby of a hotel or a café? and…..
WHAT IS SO WRONG ABOUT ME DOING WHAT I WISH TO DO?
they told me: “delvi, now u are a dosen. u need to watch your manner. frequenting places like that will mar your reputation as well as your institution. most importantly, no good woman goes to that place”
you know folk, i retaliated. i fought back. a word for a word. an argument for an argument. but i was alone. It’s like me against the system. i did not really lose the battle but they kept the table. there was a subtle threat that i am going to lose that thousands-will-kill-for-it job if i keep my stand. what is so funny about the threat is there is no such formal rule for someone like me to lose my job just because i drink a cup of coffee in a café.
sigh. i am sick of it. I feel like dying. again in my life, being a woman is killing me. why is everything so difficult for women? why there are so many restrictions for us? why can’t we enjoy life?
One thing for sure, i will do what i wanna do. i will go to wherever i wish to go. only god can stop me.
AND THEY ARE NOT MY GOD.
Aku pulang dari rantau
Bertahun-tahun di negri orang, oh Malaysia
Oh di mana kawan dulu
Kawan dulu yang sama berjuang, oh Malaysia
Kekasih hatipun telah pula hilang
Hilang tiada pesan
Aduhai nasib, apakah daya
Cinta hamba jiwaku merana, mana dinda
Inilah kisahku semalam di Malaysia
Diri t’rasa sunyi
Aduhai nasib, apakah daya
Aku hanya seorang pengembara yang hina
the first time i listened to this song i was only six or seven. just can’t really recall but surely i was still attending elementary school. at that time, to me malaysia means nothing. i didn’t even know where it is despite i often heard from the newscaster on tv that malaysia is our negara jiran (neigbor country). but yet, it did not mean anything. it did not leave any impression. it never occurred to me that i will spend three years of my life in a country called malaysia.
i came here for the first time in Desember 19th, 2005 just a few days before i started my first term as a post graduate student and National University of Malaysia. sadly, i will be leaving this country for good in january 18th, 2009.
Never had i imagined i can be this sad to leave. it is not that i m not glad to be back home again. but, there is a lump in my throat thinking about my home coming.
well, i can always get back here anytime. it only takes fifty minutes from padang to kuala lumpur. if i miss kailan ikan masin at romzee or ‘lepaking’ at MPH MidValley there will be always air asia which flies twice a day from my city to kl. but still i feel melancholic.
it does not mean that i don’t go home at all during my study. i always go home during semester break or hari raya. those flights bounded for padang never emotionally troubled me. i got to lcct, took off, landed at minangkabau international airport, spent one or two weeks home in bukittingi and got back to kl. that was the routine. and there was no sadness at all.
for this last flight home, i feel soooooooooooo reluctant to do some important preparations. i haven’t done any packing despite my imminent journey home. i mean i keep procrastinating doing anything. yesterday, staring blankly at stacks of my books i lost all of the energy i have to start packing. i promised to myself i will pack those books this morning. nothing happened today. i went swimming until i got burn face instead. i ignored those books. i neglected those cardboard boxes. i even haven’t booked my ticket.
sigh. tonight i’ll be singing semalam di malaysia.hope tomorrow i will feel better.
so, this muchdi fella has been acquitted of all charges in the murder case of munir, indonesia’s celebrated human right activist. it means we are still in a blue on who the big boss behind this killing is. well, polycarpus, munir’s executioner, will be soooo lonely in serving his twenty years jail term then.
this case is sort of rendevouz for me. here, in malaysia where i study, few weeks ago razak baginda, the suspected mastermind behind the blown-up body of altantuya shaaribu was also acquitedof all charges against him. in other words, it is still a mystery who ordered the two cops ( i forget their names) to c4 the dead body of that mongolian beauty. now those cops need to stand alone to defend themselves before the court.
thinking about these two top murder cases, i draw a conclusion. indonesia and malaysia are really negara serumpun. we have such a great resemblance: our judiciary system sucks.
i won’t elaborate further. u must know what i mean. ranting this early is not good for my health and beauty.
just got back from a long hour of crazy karaoke and i found this and this in the jakarta post. i feel like -looooooong-sigh.
i am fully aware of these kids’ concerns for the plight of the palestinians. i loath israel myself for this year most exaggerating reaction to a bite of an ant and i really don’t know what to say about america for (willingly) failing to discipline her most important ally in the middle east.
but kids…………
“We will conduct raids targeting American products in Tasikmalaya if the government does not meet our demands,”
oh god al mighty, is it the proper way to solve the problem? it sounds like: mother i will burn this house if you don’t let me marry the man i love. it is also like you bomb bali to destroy america and her allies.
YOU MISS THE TARGET KIDDO!!!
what is the point of raiding mcdonald’s or kfc, or cfc, or texas chicken, or aw or coca cola or levi’s or ford, or starbucks or pizza hut or ……..the list continues…….
are you mad? do you know what the consequences of your action are. it is a crime you know raiding someone’s property without the authority to do so. what d’ya learn at school i am asking you? do your teachers teach u so?
kids, if you do so, you are no better than these israeli war lords who raid the rightful property of the palestinians. do u get what i mean?
if you want to really help please do something violence free. what you’ve done or plan to do to these so called american products is barbarous you know. it will never ease the tension. it will put some more tense in the already intensifying tensions.
what are u going to do next? conducting a full sweep on americans in your place?
staging a rally against this seems-not-to-end massacre is good. i will join you if i were there. screaming at the top of your voice condemning this attack on the defenceless civilians is definitely not a crime.
but raids? it’s a big no.
sigh. i really think people these days can’t really function their brain. they’ve lost their linguistic ability. that’s why any diplomatic attempt to quell disputes fails. what we have now is rocket or stone or bomb diplomacy. as the result, we listen to death, blasted buildings, burn down homes, suicide bombings, raped gilrs on tv every day.
well i m gonaa sing this song from the black eyed peas (they are american, no?)
what’s wrong with the world mama?
people living like ain’t got no mamas?
i think the whole worlds addicted to the drama
only attracted to the things that bring you trauma
where is the love?
