You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September, 2008.
September 27, 2008
Tradition versus Modernity
I am used to think that I am the luckiest girl on earth. I’ve got supportive parents, loving siblings and peaceful neighborhood and a beautiful kampung. I still think I am lucky since my beloved parents are willing to crack their back earning money from dawn till dusk selling any sorts of vegetable just to make sure all of their children get the best education this world has to offer. We are not rich though. We are just ordinary farmers and petty merchants.I tell you folk, both of my parents never had any chances to finish their elementary school yet they are able to send me abroad to pursue my master degree and send another two girls and one boy to local university. I am still lucky that my siblings keep a keen interest in completing their study. The girl number four, she wants to be a midwife in the future; the youngest boy who is just 10 year old wants to be a koki , a chef, that he always busy prattling questions whether to go to France or Italy to learn how to cook mi spageti. Yes, that’s the way he is used to pronounce spaghetti.Thank God we are such a happy family.
But I think I am not lucky because I was born a woman. Wait! Don’t you hastily accuse me of being ungrateful to what God has granted me. But that’s true folk. Being born as a woman is not my luck. Let me tell you why.
Being born genetically as a female human is my kodrat, my destiny. In other words, I can’t escape this destiny since I have every biological organs that constitute my female-ness and I have no problems with that fact. Yet I have so many problems of being a woman. Here, we are talking about culture and its part of parcell, which is religion. Amongst the so many problems that I have of being a woman, this edition of kodrat ini membunuhku will reveal the current rock that my feet tumble into.
I am twenty six this year, beautiful at that (sorry I can’t help my narcissistic alter-ego) and just finished my master degree in Postcolonial Literature in English and soon to be unemployed (hope someone reads this piece and willing to employ me). I am twenty six and the first daughter of the family growing up in a matrilineal society. My Mom, despite her pride of having a sophisticated educated daughter begins to worry. Her twenty six yer old, beautiful and educated first born is not married.
Yes, that’s the clue for my “predicament”.
Let me elaborate further.
My mom is a proud Minangkabau woman. She has everything she wants in life. She has four daughters to pass down the family name. In my culture land and properties are passed down from mother to daughter and so is family/clan name. In other words, if a Minangkabau woman has no daughters she is considered as punah or extinct.Now you see my point. My mom has everything she wants in life but one, granddaughter.
For me, this is not a big deal. I never lose any sleep at night thinking of my singlehood. But for my mom, this is almost the end of the world. My sisters told me that my mom almost can’t help it anymore when our neighbors start being fussy asking when Delvi is going to get married or when my mom is going to be granted grandchildren. When I told them that I am planning to commence my Ph. D this year and it can take four or five years to complete it she almost fainted. And here we go, my mom unsheathed her classic weapon of archaic wisdom about the predicament of unmarried women. She lamented that a woman is good for nothing if she has no husband and children. I did try to confront her with my so-called modern logic yet it was to no avail. I am in a real dilemma. I plan to complete my Ph. D before I turn thirty yet I can’t help it when I see my mother’s teary eyes longing to see me, her first born, having a husband and of course granddaughters.
I tell you folk, I have no problems of finding a man or two guys to date with. It is just a piece of cake for me. While typing this post I am accompanied by a nice and quite good looking guy whom I just know for three days yet he is madly in love with me.Yet getting married is not in my list right now. I want to see the world. I want to conquer the world. I want to change the world for the better. I will educate my nation. I will build my society. I will make the world look up at us, Indonesians. I want to make sure there will be no more Indonesians getting harassed abroad just like what I see almost everyday in the foreign country where I am studying now. I will consider marriage when I am done with my obsession. Whenever I tell my mom about this she looks at me in eyes disbelieving that her daughter has gone that far.
I know I have hurt her and its killing me. I know I haven’t able to be a ‘good’ daughter my mother dreams of. I know why she worries that much. She does not want me to be punah. Time and again her worrisome face is killing me. If I were a man I think she would not agonize that much.
Who to blame? My mom? No. It is her who gives me chances to be enlightened through my education. My father? No. He whipped me once when he knew I often skipped my classes opting for running around with boys flying kites or playing with marbles. If I have to put on blame, I will blame my kodrat of being culturally a woman.
Sigh, kodrat ini membunuhku.
September 19, 2008
aku yang telanjang tapi tidak berdosa
bagiku ketelanjangan adalah hal biasa
Bagi engkau yang tidak biasa
aku hargai karna kita beda.
kau lihatlah aku tak malu sama sekali
meski yang kututupi hanya batang zakarku saja
tak ada beban, tiada dosa.
bagi perempuanku ketelanjangan adalah juga biasa.
kau lihatlah dia tidak malu sama sekali
mesti susunya terburai sempurna
tak ada beban, tiada dosa.
tapi akhir-akhir ini aku heran.
teramat heran.
kenapa kau yang malu dan berdosa
dengan ketelanjangan kami?
tuhanku berkata aku tetap masuk surga
biar aku selalu telanjang di bumi.
entahlah dengan tuhanmu.
tuhanku berkata perempuanku ada tempat di nirwana
mesti susunya terburai sempurna di bumi.
entahlah dengan tuhanmu.
satu hal yang perlu kau tau
kau tak berhak mendosakan aku dan perempuanku
atas ketelanjangan kami
tuhan kita berbeda
hargai itu karna kita sama.
September 17, 2008
An Ode to Sally of Scorpion Orchid
Three men of diverse color with nothing on
Staring at a woman laying on
A chamber of dirt stark unadorned.
The night is still young on
That day they were together on
A rare occasion of treacherous open season.
What is this? Asked the men
Innocently eying her colorful beautiful face.
Race. Asnwered the woman.
May we touch it? Naively inquired the men.
No. It’s sensitive
Answered the woman warily.
There will be a holocaust.
What is this? Asked the men
Thoughtlessly gazing her bouncy breasts.
Religion. Answered the woman.
May we caress them? Unpretentiously inquired the men.
No. It’s sensitive.
Answered the woman guardedly.
There will be a crusade.
What is this? Asked the men
Curiously fixing their eyes further down her body.
Vagina. Responded the woman coyly.
May we penetrate it? Asked the men lustily.
It’s sensitive but go on. It is meant to unite you and me.
Us! Mankind and Nature.
The Tiger, Dragon, Peacock and Mother Earth.
It is consensual.
September 13, 2008
Rule of the Ghosts
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Who’s that?
Ghosts to abduct dissenters.
What did I do?
Challenging our Power.
What did my husband do?
Challenging our Power.
What did my Dad do?
Challenging our Power.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
What are you doing?
Knocking your computer.
Why ?
For Challenging our Power.
What are you doing?
Confiscating your paper.
Why?
For Challenging our Power.
What are you doing?
Cuffing you dissenters.
Why?
For Challenging our Power.
Knock. Knock.Knock.
Mama, where are they going to take Daddy?
To Heart of Darkness, dear.
Mama, will I see him again?
Not until the ghosts fade away.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
